The Not So Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
by mittons9
Summary: A retarded Hero and his not-so sane talking boat must save the world. We are screwed you know. Rated T for profinty and violence
1. Chapter 1

Summary: One of the many Wind Waker parody's out there. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: No Own Zelda. Me Be Rich If Did. Me Have No Money. En Joy

TheFrozenDogBarf Presents

The (Not So) Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

Chapter 1: Name's…

I was surrendered. They were all watching me, all 9000 of em. "Give up Mr. Anderson.", they said. "You can't win. "Name's not Anderson." I replied. "Name's Link." I watched em through my totally awesome sunglasses. My totally awesome trench coat bellowed around me. "Well, die then!" they yelled before attacking. They came at me from all directions. In slow motion I executed a 360 degree flip kicking those who were nearby in all directions. I then jumped in the air and came down so hard I caused a earthquake hitting many of them into buildings. I then executed a series of Kung fu blocks and hits through the large crowd, knocking anyone who got too close to me into the wall. The remaining guys all jumped on me but they fell off when I started to rise in the air. One held on but I threw him in the crowd. Then I flew off like the cool dude I was. Instantly someone tackled me. The guy had brown hair and wore a green tunic with a orange undershirt. His eyes wore all black. "I could eat a dodongo… or you!" he yelled in a demonic voice before throwing me to the ground. My awesome powers, trench coat and sunglasses disappeared when I landed on a flying carpet. "Squadlah, screamed a guy who looked like Bum Laden. I screamed as he kicked me off the carpet. As I fell to the ground a demonic pig face appeared and yelled "NOW YOU MUST DIEE." Instantly the shaggy face of Morgan Freeman appeared as he said "Wake up, Link". His voice got squealer and his face was changing until it dissolved into the face and voice of my sister Aryll. Then I felt a searing pain in my head as I was smacked with her telescope. Then I woke up.

Hope you enjoyed. I made this a dream sequence just because. Chapter 2 is coming up soon so please review. It will get a heck of a lot better in the coming chapters. No Flames please. Please review. Thank You.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Hey why don't we combine all our money to but Zelda? No? Well then I don't own do I.

Chapter 2: Stupid Telescope

"Brother, wake up." I heard Aryll say.

"No", I replied.

"Please."

"NO."

"I'll hit you again."

"SHUT UP AND LET ME FREAKING SLEEP."

Bang!

My head was ringing from the telescope she used to pound me and, fearing the wrath of my sister I lifted my eyes up. "What time is it?" I asked my violent sister. "About 12o'clock" she replied.

"12 o'clock?"

"Yep."

"Crap! I'm late for school!"

Bang!

My head was ringing again. "You don't go to school", Aryll said holding the now smoking telescope."Right." I groaned making a mental note to never watch a "Back To The Future" special before sleeping again. "Do you know what today is?" she asked. "If I say no will you hit me with that thing again?" I asked.

Whack!

Now my head was really bruised. "So you really have no clue?" Asked my insane sister. "Excuse me sir may I have some more?" I asked in my delirious state.

SMASH!

"OWWWWW!." Now I was back to my senses. "What is today?" I asked rubbing my bruised head. "Today is your birthday!" replied my younger and much more violent sister. "Crap, I forgot!" I yelled. "Grandma wants to see you." She said.

I gulped. Today was some retarded celebration where once a kid reaches the age of the hero of time they dress him up In some green dress and parade him around town. Aryll grinned evil like as she correctly guessed what I was t ashinking. "Time to go!" she said. My 7 year old blonde headed sister kicked me off the guardhouse I was sleeping on into the ocean below. I quickly swam out off the ocean and headed towards my grandma's house. Along the way I passed a guy cutting grass with a fork, a old man yelling randomly at people and a man looking for pigs to murder. The old guy screamed "Go to hell you scoundrel." At me as I passed by his home. "Up yours, you cranky old man!" I yelled back at home. I bumped into a girl with a pot on her head, causing the pot to fall and crash. I smirked at that. Then I was there. I quietly turned the handle hoping no one would attack me. Fat chance. In seconds my 70 year old grandma had knocked me to the ground and was holding a fully sharpened katrana at my neck. "Crap!" I yelled. "Link?", my grandma asked angrily. "What's the password."

"Grandma it's me."

"What's the password."

"Ehh… "Wake Up?"

"Wrong!" My grandma bought out a magnum and started screaming. "With this I can blow your –Bleep- head off. So tell me, do ya feel lucky, well do I punk!" "YES, YES!" I screamed. "Correct." My grandma said simply. My breathing had softened now that there wasn't a loaded gun at my head. "Link." She said happily." I got you something for your birthday. "Close your eyes. I did so and got… the dreaded dress. "But Grandma…" I was about to complain. "SHUT UP PUNK!" she screamed at me grabbing the katana again. I quickly ran out the house in panic. As I ran out a pot collided with my head. In the last moments before I blacked out the pot chick came up and spit on me.


End file.
